So a day has gone by and no followers - do i have to advertise for them or will someone just happen upon me and decide to spread the word?

I'm pensive today. I keep getting in the way of my relationship and i can't decide why. I think I am deeply in love with a man who has the best intentions. He is thoughtful and kind, considerate and loves me deeply. We have a patch history though and I keep searching for things, hurting myself by dredging up history (i ways i shouldn't - electronic communication i hold partially resposible) which I can't argue with him about (thrown out for invasion of privacy) but that hurt so so much. The worst thing is I can't seem to stop, why must I know every humiliating detail? Why am i so obsessed with seeing every illicit e-mail, text message facebook post?

Is it because they are still there, hovering scavangers ready to battle over the scraps of time he has without me by his side? Or is it me who should learn to rise above their petty messages, sent drunk and cloudy on a saturday night, shouting love or simply "you can put it anywhere".

If I had all of him, all of the time, none of the drama none of the passionate fights with lashings of hurt feelings and sexual inadiquacy, would i care half as much?

It scares me to think i might not but it hurts to think i might never get to find out.

still trying to work out how to properly use this though. Sure it will come to me
O Q

Very new to all this - a friend suggested i might try it out, therapeutic , try to write to get my mind off everything. I've never web published before, very interested to gather comments etc, see what everyone else thinks about my life. I have a story to tell that I think is a little interesting, maybe some of you will also
O Q